Josie and I got into a fight. It is pretty serious though we did not break up yet (and I am not sure we are going to. There are a lot of feelings). It was my fault. I made a mistake. I did not make THE mistake (cheating or anything) but I did make a mistake and it is going to make things a little harder for her. She told me she loved me but our relationship was damaged. As usual, I blamed myself, said I was sorry but I told her I did not think what I did was as bad as she was making it. We ended our conversation last night not in anger, but to prevent the talk from escalating to us saying things we did not mean. Of course, I had trouble sleeping.

For my birthday, Josie got me this beautiful watch (my birthday is next week so I got it early). I have been wearing the watch every waking moment. I love it and am showing it off, telling everyone that it was a gift from Josie. This morning, I was not sure I was going to put it on. When I look at it, it reminds me of her. When I think of her, I feel melancholy. i was afraid of seeing her and she see that I was not wearing the watch (we did not break up yet, mind you). So I out the watch on.

Later in the morning, I had to go and see a friend because she needed help. She and I are very close. She saw the watch and was surprised to see it. See, I never wear jewelry. She said it was beautiful and I should always wear it (she knew Josie and I were having problems).

That reminded me of the first girl I was serious with after my divorce. We were together for over a year and had a hard break up. There was no fault here. I had to move and she did not want to. So we split. I was hurt though. And very angry. She never gave me much like Josie did but I got rid of the stuff. I just wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to forget her and about the relationship. That, at least I thought, was going to be the only way I could move on.

I felt like that today. I wanted to forget. Even though it may not over, I was fearing the worst and wanted to move on. And that is when it hit me. I should not forget. I should embrace the relationship I had (have). I should remember the good, the bad and the ugly. The painful moments and the break ups. I should remember the mistakes I have made and the things I did not like about her. I should remember the times we were really close and enjoyed being together. That is what that watch represents. And I should embrace those great memories and hard lessons learned.

I am going to keep the watch. And I am going to wear it everyday. Because is represents an important time in my life no matter how it turns out.

I think we are going to be fine. I know, no matter what happens, I will be.

Pictures courtesy of:
theodysseyonline.com
brokelyn.com
viralgoal.com
adquiereelexito.com