There is something that we have always talked about every March. Well, “every” is an absolute  and I am sure there is a March we just gave up and didn’t talk about it. How about this: It is something we have been talking about for the last one hundred something years. Something that is as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Something as certain as the bees landing on the freshly blossomed rose in the spring. Something as sure as the birds will migrate to the north during the summer to feel the comfort of the cool northern sun (or is it “the birds fly south in the winter”? I don’t know. I ran out of metaphors) (Wait are these similes, metaphors or just comparisons. Damn, tell me in the comments).

What is it we will bring with us as spring peeks her head above the blanket of winter? How the Chicago Cubs, once again, fucked up the previous season and what will their chances be to break the curse of the billy goat (or is it billie? To lazy to research it).

But the curse could end this year, joining the end of the other struggles of the lovable-losers of the past. Does anyone care about the White Sox after they ended their eighty year losing streak? Does anyone care about the Red Sox after they ended their Curse of the Bambino (only in Boston, by the way)? And no one gives a rat’s hind-quarters about the San Francisco Giants (formerly New York) ending their losing streak (I’m a Dodger fan, by the way).

I say, “No”. And I, as a baseball fan, need something to passionately care about. I have no love for the other “lovable losers” except for the Dodgers  and they haven’t lost enough to be cursed  I don’t care about the Cleveland Indians because…well…Cleveland sucks (Disclaimer: I apologize for the proceeding remarks and hope no ill will is triggered by pointing out that Clendenin is a pit). I cannot feel love for the San Diego Padres because their mascot is a priest (seriously, Padres? Why not call them the Pansies?).

But I must go deeper. Baseball will become boring again. There will be no reason to watch it (though I have yet to get through a game on television). There will be a vacuum between the end of the NBA playoffs and the NFL preseason. It could mean the end of society. Dare I say it? I must. This is a blog.

The Cubs winning could lead to anarchy and chaos! Think of it.

Water turned to blood. Swarms of locusts.  famine and war. Cubbies winning the World Series. See the pattern? The fact is the Cubs winning would have been the Eighth Seal of the Apocalypse but the last time they won the World Series was two years before the Book of Revelations was added to the Bible (they had a hell of a pitching rotation that year).

As of now, the Cubs are down 3-1 to Cleveland  But there still is the chance they can come back. We must hope that the Cubs lose that last game. No, do not hope, but pray to the heavens. A Cleveland victory will save civilization and humanity. And it’ll give us something to talk about in March.

Photos courtesy of:
Gustave Doré -The fourth horseman, Death on the Pale Horse (1865)
Flickr
The Guardian
Daily Mail
Wrigleyville – Baseball Prospectus
New York Daily News