This week a woman, Tizana Cantone, committed suicide after her ex-boyfriend posted a sex video online. The video went viral and Cantone became a focus of derision and online bullying. At first look, this looks like revenge porn by an spurned ex-boyfriend. But, reading the actual story, brings up more question:

http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/16/europe/tiziana-cantone-sex-tape-suicide/index.html

In a nutshell, Cantone’s former boyfriend broke up with her. She started dating someone else but was not, apparently, over her ex.

She and her new boyfriend were filming the sex exploits. Cantone was not too shy. She sent this video to a few of her friends. But that was not all. As an act of revenge on her ex-boyfriend, she decided to send the video to him. He responded by posting the video on the Internet. Being a beautiful woman (as you can see), the video went viral. Cantone, then, became the subject of online and offline bullying. She was a subject of jokes, memes, even T-shirt were made.

Cantone spent the next year trying to pull the video off the Internet, spending a large amount of money in the process. But her efforts failed and the abuse continued. That is when she fell into a deep depression and hanged herself.

The reaction was swift and angry. Contone’s mother and friends lay all blame onto the ex-boyfriend. The news media is pointing this as a case of cyber bullying and revenge porn by the ex-boyfriend. The Italian government is investigating and looking to prosecute the ex-boyfriend and is renewing its desire to make Internet content erasable (a subject I may write about in the near future).

But, WHOA! Wait just a minute!

Listen, I do not approve of what Cantone’s ex-boyfriend did. But who actually started with the revenge porn? Cantone made the sex video (first problem), sent it to her friends (second problem) and then, to get back at her ex, sent it to her ex-boyfriend to get a reaction (revenge?). That is the third problem. We can learn lessons from this.

First, it is never a good idea to make sex videos. Even with someone you trust. Those videos could end up someplace you may not want them (Internet, friends) through accidental release, innocent fun or revenge. One must realize, when shooting these videos, that there could be a worst case scenario.

Second, never share. And this is harder than it sounds. Shooting video on a cell phone does not mean it is safe. Most wireless companies will automatically upload videos via a backup service. Once that is done, you have lost complete control and that video is now out there. Sending videos to friends can lead to the same thing as what I mention above. You are now trusting other people to keep your personal life private.

The third issue is the act of revenge. What Cantone did IS revenge porn. She sent that video to her ex as a form a revenge. What would happened if he saw the video and got depressed? What if he had hung himself instead? Would we see this outrage? Would she be persecuted? Her intent was no better than his. Better just not to do it.

This is a terrible story because neither are innocent. Both are to blame. Both have and will suffer consequences. But what we see in the media reports, and I have read a few separate articles and all say the same, is that the responsibility falls solely on one party. And that is wrong because how can anyone learn if we expunge responsibility from someone simply because she could not deal with the consequences?