I think a relationship I was having ended yesterday.

It was my fault. I wanted more. She couldn’t give it to me. I already knew that she could only give me so much. I just didn’t feel she was giving me all she could.

Weird things is: I’m not horribly sad about it. It is different from my last relationship where I was being eaten up inside. I mean, I miss her. I do want her back. But I feel I deserve better and I should just move on.

But I am not going to go into our relationship. Just what I learned.

First, the good. Of course she was very attractive, spontaneous (more so than me), fun and easy to talk to. She was interested in me and we would talk for hours on the phone. She also had a dark side that kept me on my toes and piqued my interest in her.

She also has a family. Three daughters. They are very sweet and I like being around them, for the most part (I’ll get more into that later). I made my first Thanksgiving dinner and the younger girls helped me cook. We made cornish hens, mashed potatoes, stuffing, grilled corn, salad and rolls. I felt like part of a family. It was really nice.

I could see a long term relationship with her. Well, with someone like her. And that brings me to the things that make me realize it would not work. She is not interested in the type of relationship I want.

She’s been married twice and does not want to be married again. This is a minor thing, but it is still a sign that a pure committment may not be possible. To add to that, she seems to be more interested in a casual relationship more than a serious one. She brought up that she wanted to try an open relationship. I shot this down right away. The she told me that she still had a “friendship” with an ex-boyfriend (yes, they were still sleeping together). She said that he knew about us but was still persuing her, texting and calling. I told her it was bad enough I had to compete with her daughters and family, but I did not think it was fair that I also compete with an ex-boyfriend.

Her daughters are another issue. Well, her eldest is the issue. She’s out of control and seems to have an influence on anything we do. She goes out with her friends at all hours of the night and expects to be picked up when she calls. She demands things and my girlfriend would comply without even much of an arguement. What is worse is that her father is no where to be seen so she is completely under the supervision of her mother. I have a child like this and know that this behavior will not stop anytime soon. I have no problem with her having children. In fact, her younger ones are fantastic. But I do not want a relationship I am in to be determined by a fourteen year old child.

So it’s time to move on. It was a good experience and I am stronger for it. It is hard to see if it is truely over. It may not be. But I need to make sure that I have a little more control.