It’s my birthday this weekend. I have plans. I’m doing a race on Sunday and my daughter is coming to visit me. You would think this would make the weekend something I look forward to.
Unfortunately, it’s not. In face, I am having a hard time dealing with sadness.
When I got divorced, I was really hoping things would be different by now. I was hoping I would be in a relationship, I would be financially stable, I would be in a job I love and would have nothing but good things to look forward in my future. But this has not been the case.
The most important thing for me is to be finished with my ex-wife. Unfortunately, this has not happened. And it is all on me. I have procrastinated and procrastinated. I know that if I just make the calls I need to, this whole thing can be finished in less than two months and I can have my life back. Then I can be independant and have more than $2 in the bank.
Refocus: stop procrastinating. Call DCSS and get my child support dropped. Contact the lawyer in San Diego (who I have financial support with) and get my spousal support dropped.
A relationship is very important. I have been alone for a long time. So when I was with my last girlfriend, I ignored all the issues: the troubled daughter, the lack of emotion (she hasn’t even kissed me yet), the lack of alone time or effort to make alone time and the sense that I was always there to support her needs until she finds someone else. It’s Friday and I miss her. I know this will eat away at me tonight, hoping that she calls me. I know that us seerating is the right thing to do. My dad even pointed out I was settling. But I hate being alone and I do miss the sex.
Refocus: get over it. She was not the best fit and this was bound to end badly (if not, worse than it did). Being alone kis not that bad. I have freedom. And there are a lot of people who are interested. I also need to ASK people out and let relationships start that way. And stop being so damn insecure. I have already been told that the reason a woman did not go out with me was because I NEVER ASKED HER! Ugh!
My job started out so hopeful. I am working at a non-profit as a network administrator, I loved the people I work with and we are constantly trying out new products. But things have gone south due to politics and incompetance. I am now answering phones. Basically, with all my experience and education, I am fixing printers. I am working at level one helpdesk. I don’t want to go to work and can’t wait to leave. I spoke to my manager about it and he expressed frustration about my inability to understand the political climate and what is important at the moment. That things would change but I needed to be patient. I have been doing this for a year and nothing has changed for me. I don’t see things changing for me.
Refocus: If there is one thing I have learned in the work place, it is patience. All things come. I need to do that. I need to keep my head down and just do my thing. Bitch to my boss when I’m frustrated but then get over it. It will get better. It always has and I am too good at my job not to move up.
I saw my daughter and son-in-law for dinner. They had news that didn’t thrill me. But I was glad to see them. We had fun. I know things will work out. I just need to keep my focus.
Happy Birthday to me. It’s a new year.
