About a year ago, I started to see someone. We started as friends but ended up lovers. I told my co-worker about it and she told me words I had never heard before but will never forget:

“Remember this: A realtionship will always end the same way it began.”

OK, I need to give you some background. I don’t want to because it will make me look like a jerk (and I am). But, if you can’t be honest on the Internet, where can you be honest.

She had a boyfriend. Someone she had been with for six years. He is a good guy, loves her kid and loves her. But he is also heavy, not really good looking and, apparently, very bad in bed. This girl did not love him and was not sure she would marry him. But she liked the way he was with he child so the decided to be (well, I guess) content.

So, me knowing this, why was i getting in the middle of this obvious disaster? Well, she was young, pretty, funny and sweet. It started innocently enough. In fact, we talked for six months before  sex even became a topic. Ii had also been a very long time since I had any kind of relationship with someone. sexual or otherwise. And I thought it was all in good fun. That our age difference (twenty years) would get the better.

But it didn’t and we had an affair. The sex was very good and we enjoyed spending time together. We talked constantly and things started getting a little strange. Talk of marraige and children. I ate it up. I wanted it. I justified it by thinking I was good for her.

But, as suddenly as it started, it ended. She became cold. She did not want to see me. There were moments that she was the way she was before, but they were few and far between. She said she felt guilt. I thought it was about her boyfriend. Now, looking back, I think it was because she was cheating on me. Kind of odd to say since I was cheating WITH her. But that is how I feel. But I did not confirm with her that she was sleeping with someone. I think I was afraid to find out the truth. Maybe if I had more courage, this whole thing could have ended months ago.

Well, this week, she was having a hard time. I asked her what the problem was. She said it was a relationship thing. I finally asked her if she had selpt with someone else. She said she did.

I told her never to call me again. That everything was over. I felt cheated on. I felt I wasn’t good enough, though I know that truely wasn’t the reason she was sleeping with someone else. I was getting too close.

So, what did I learn?

I learned that I cannot survive in an open relationship. I have never really slept with someone that I did not have feelings for or did not develop feelings for. I have to accept the fact that the only way I am going to have good sex is to just wait until I get a committment.

I also learned that I must not assume things will get better, I can change someone or that a bad situation will suddenly turn out right. I now believe that, 99% of the time, they will not. Especially when there is a third person involved. I must accept that a situation will not get better and either stay away from it or accept the consequences. The fantasy world I develop in my head just isn’t there. I need to accept reality.

I need to accept that I am worth being a priority in someone’s life. I am worth something and I should not accept being put at second or third (or lower) priority in someone’s life. I believe this is what hurt the worst. I know I was’t in love, but I badly wanted to be. She never wanted that and made that clear that I would never be more than what we were. I should’ve walked right then and there.

I must also remember those wise words. I must realize that that how I get into a relationship is how I’m going to exit that relationship. I can’t assume I will change a cheater. That will only lead to heartache.