I decided to do something fun. I am am divorced and my ex-wife has done all she could to make my Christmases miserable. But I refused to let her do it. The best way is not to ignore her but to have fun with it. So, after receiving a not so pleasant text message from her, I decided to manipulate the song “Twelve Days of Christmas”. The reason it is so long is I actually sang the entire song, so I just wrote the words like I was singing it. If you want, you can just scroll to the bottom and read the whole thing.
The Twelve Days of Christmas…After Divorce
On the first day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Papers from her attorney.
On the second day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the third day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Five posted revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
(No way I’m sticking a picture here. I was shocked what images came up when I Googled “Revenge Porn”!)
On the sixth day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Six ulcers burning,
Five posted revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Seven dings on my credit,
Six ulcers burning,
Five posted revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Eight scratches on my car,
Seven dings on my credit,
Six ulcers burning,
Five revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Nine maxed out credit cards,
Eight scratches on my car,
Seven dings on my credit,
Six ulcers burning,
Five revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Ten good suits burned,
Nine maxed out credit cards,
Eight scratches on my car,
Seven dings on my credit,
Six ulcers burning,
Five revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Eleven restraining orders,
Ten good suits burned,
Nine maxed out credit cards,
Eight scratches on my car,
Seven dings on my credit,
Six ulcers burning,
Five revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my ex-wife gave to me
Twelve years of alimony,
Eleven restraining orders,
Ten good suits burned,
Nine maxed out credit cards,
Eight scratches on my car,
Seven dings on my credit,
Six ulcers burning,
Five revenge porn photos,
Four child support payments,
Three texts a bitchen,
Two angry Voice Mails,
And papers from her attorney.
After reading it, I could manipulate the syllables a bit, but I am not that motivated right now. Maybe next year.
Photos courtesy of:
jigzone.com
jmplawyer.com
mix925abilene.com
www.davidicke.com
hm-attorneys.com
curcumin95.ro
businessinsider.com
budgeting.thenest.com
dailymail.co.uk
SkyWaitress.com
hilaborlaw.com
propertyownerhelp.wordpress.com
